“Eres Tostada…TOE-STAH-DA”

Which I am assuming means “You are tan…REALLY TAN”, but literally means “you are toasted”.  And this form of “to be” even suggests permanence in a seemingly temporary characteristic which, of course, when Kikay said this to me, I had to ask “No debe serlo ‘ESTÁS’ tostada“? That was the level of conversation on the bus ride from Tierra Colorado two weeks ago, which was a lot different than this week’s bus ride which included musings in English about who was going to use the machete in my tool bag.

More commonly referred to as “chicken bus”, the camioneta business here in Guatemala seems to be run by some kind of organized crime ring.  At least that is what my teachers have told me and I think that is what I have been reading in The Quetzalteco.  There have recently been quite a few homicides of ayudantes, the guys who help the drivers load up buses with passengers and collect the dough.  Anyway, several different companies own these buses and I am guessing that some may compete for routes.  Not really sure.  On our way back from the safe stove project this week, which was in a different area than the last two weeks, we got on a yellow school bus, that I am pretty sure came from Quebec because instead of the omnipresent “School Bus” on the front, the banner read “L’Ecolier” (which actually means schoolboy, I think.) 

Anyway, this big yellow French-Canadian school bus waited for us to run down the hill, maybe 3 minutes the most. Now, I am completely shocked that there is any kind of schedule with these things, but apparently there is. You would never guess it, because time is so random and abstract here in general, but that broken-down bus that exhausted thick, black toxic fumes as it barreled haphazardly through dusty rural roads was on a schedule.  And it seems that because he was waiting for us, our bus cut into another bus’ schedule/route and in a matter of minutes, our teenage driver and his pubescent ayudante became the objects of wrath of the other baby boy bus drivers. These guys really look like children. 

So first, the other bus overtakes our bus forcing us to stop, and then the drivers engage in some heated argument.  I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Minor (one of the Pop Wuj teachers) whispered one word in English to me when I asked que pasa—extortion.

Now, of course I am thinking, this guy is probably going to get on our bus and rob us, and although it looked like a junior high school fight was about to break out, Minor looked nervous and heard the other bus driver threaten to kill our bus driver. I guess he thought he was the rightful owner of several fares on that bus.  After about 10 or 15 minutes of angry arguing, both sets of bus drivers returned to their buses and started driving aggressively.  The other bus was ahead of us and our bus would try to overtake it, but then the other bus would block it. A different kind of chicken on the chicken bus.  And then it forced us to stop again in front of a scrappy looking bar where the other guys went in and I was sure a whole bunch of camioneta thugs were going to come out.  One of the volunteers was wondering whether we should arm ourselves with the stove tools.  There were a bunch of spades and a machete in the bag next to me. There were maybe 8 of us on the bus, a 2 quetzal fare each by the way, representing $2 in total. I am simply amazed by this. For some reason, it just didn’t feel dangerous to me, not sure why.  I was more worried about the driving because this kid was all hopped up on adrenaline and obviously too young and angry to actually care that he was responsible for the safety of other people. 

So after absolutely nothing happened at the tense stop, our bus finally overtook the other one and it seemed like all was resolved…but noooooo.  A third bus came toward us and the driver must have been friends with our bus driver and he blocked the road so the other bus couldn’t get through.  Then our bus driver stopped our bus to go yell some more at the other bus driver. At this point, I was just freakin’ annoyed.  I suggested getting out and walking and Minor figured we were about a mile or two from our stop and if he didn’t return in a few minutes we would go.  Well they finally returned and off we went. Loco.

Otherwise, the day was amazing.  I have helped build two stoves for two different families.  I didn’t do much on my first outing, but I think I can build one all by myself now.  I know the second, third and fourth step and I could pretty much wing the first step.  In the last two weeks I chopped concrete bricks with a machete and sculpted an opening with a chisel to hold the aluminum chimney. I mixed concrete and worked with clay and applied both to the top surface of the stove to install the plancha, which is equivalent to a stove burner.

The families are so lovely and everyone pitches in to help. It feels really good to contribute to a project that directly improves the health and safety of other people. I have heard so many negative things about how corrupt some NGOs are here (and honestly, I don’t think that is something endemic to Guatemala), but even if someone is taking a bunch of money, which I doubt, this project has still realistically improved the economy of extremely poor families while decreasing respiratory illnesses that result from constant smoke inhalation. It has also prevented countless accidents that occur when small children are around open flames.  That’s a lot of bang for my volunteering buck.

I actually can’t believe how much I wrote about that bus ride. I wanted to post some more pics of Leticia and her beautiful children, Antoinetta, Norma and Domingo (Miguel was back at the school squeezing oranges) and write about other stuff that I am sure I have already forgotten, but I have to get ready to go out, which means I have to put my hiking boots.  Caliente!  I brought one fancyish top with me, but everyone in Xela has seen it. Twice.  Or maybe four times. I actually miss taking Spanish classes.  Tomorrow I am going to study for five hours in the morning and then Sunday I am off to Todos Santos for a little break!  Should have some great pics next week of diá de los muertos!

Oh yeah, if you haven’t already guessed, I’m not coming home on Wednesday.

Have a nice weekend everyone!